Don't worry, this won't be morbid or even a little profound. Well, hopefully a little bit profound. My goal when I write is to make the reader think at least a tiny bit. I always hope that whatever I'm talking about is relevant and thought provoking.
My issue lately, if you want to call it that, is finding a new purpose in my life. It seems like ever since I lost my dad, I'm painfully aware of all the things he wanted to do that never came to fruition. Then I think about all the things that I still want to do, and feel like I'd better start now, before I'm too old to do them physically. Or who knows how much longer I'll even be around? The way things have been the last year, we can't afford to take anything for granted.
These days I feel more impatient, and nothing makes any sense to me. I wonder why I can never be satisfied; I'm always looking too far ahead. For example, I heard on the weather a couple of days ago that we were having our last 8:00 sunset until next May. Instead of being rational and saying to myself, "So what, it's August, and daylight savings doesn't end until November" I say, "Crap, it's going to be dark at four pm in a couple of weeks!!" And that's depressing.
I continue to struggle with my daily routine since I'm still unemployed, my dad is gone, and time I spent working and with him is now my own. The day is much longer, which I should be happy about in the summer. But when I wake up at 6 or 7 am, should I get up even if I feel crummy and I'm still tired? Even if I sleep in until 8:00 and stay up until 2:00 or 3:00 am, that's a very long day.
I do my best to fill the hours with meaningful things like writing, crafts, being outdoors, taking pictures, and keeping up the few friendships I have. Keeping busy is exhausting. But I feel so guilty when I'm not.
I kind of strayed from the original topic: My Bucket List. I don't have one yet, but I am going to write down all the places I want to go, and things I really want to do before I die. Then I will try to figure out if I can make it happen. If you have your bucket list written, or have scratched anything off, please share with me how you were able to do it, and the obstacles you faced. I'll be back tomorrow with my list! Is the suspense killing you or what?!
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