As I've mentioned before, the theme of New Year's (aside from partying) is self improvement, resolutions, and measuring the progress of your life. But for many of us, it's more of the same, and not much really changes except the seasons. If we have a comfortable routine, a good job, relationships, etc., why change it? "If it's not broke, don't fix it". At least that's always been my philosophy. Maybe I didn't progress as much as I should have, because I never pushed myself too hard.
I'm happy to say that 2023 was a year of transition for me. All the "impossible" things I prayed for in 2022 and earlier actually came true. It was as if all the planets aligned, and everything fell into place just for me. Thanks to the plans of others, new doors opened and made the unlikely happen. So I'm back where I belong, closer to home.
It may be a cliche, but life really is a journey. I believe everything really does happen for a reason, and the most difficult events along the way are lessons. And the people we meet while we're there are very important too. Maybe it just takes time to see it.
After I checked "coming home" off my list, there was still the elephant in the room, finding a job. I applied for a good job, and found out immediately I didn't get it. Then I reached out to a former employer nearby. I thought I had secured a temporary job, and would be learning new skills. When that opportunity fell through, I became frustrated. But I kept looking, and interviewed for jobs in my field, and even ones I just thought I could do.
Finally, in mid August, I managed to land a job. By this time, my confidence was almost gone, and I really wasn't sure I could handle the physical demands of working 40 hours. The job wasn't as Director, but assistant. So I wouldn't be making decisions, or managing anyone. I'd just have to be able to show up every day, do my job, and come home. After being out of the workforce for almost three years, even that seemed daunting. But I was grateful someone finally gave me a chance.
So now I could check "job" off my list, and what was left? Find a work/life balance, so I could continue to do all the things I enjoyed when I had time off. Also on the list: take better care of myself, and lose all the weight I gained.
These are the works in progress I continue with today. I struggle some days with fatigue, but I'm a little proud of myself for rising to the challenge. Knowing that I CAN walk five miles during my work shift is a relief. A year ago, that would have been out of the question. I've gradually lost about 17 pounds, so now I need some new clothes.
In addition to all the improvements in my day to day life, there may have been a few subtle changes in me. I like to think that I've always been compassionate, but it goes a little deeper now.
2023 has been a hard, awful, terrible year for millions of people. It's hard for me to watch the news, and process all the suffering that other humans have to endure. Why were they so unlucky, while things went well for me? I have gratitude, but a healthy dose of guilt as well. Life isn't fair, and more often than not, it's tragic. I suppose that's another lesson I've learned, not to take anything for granted.
So where do I go from here? It seems like yesterday that I was young, but my mortality is another elephant in the room. I don't exactly fear it, but I know it will happen! But until I do, there are still lots of things I hope to do. Places I want to see, people I want to meet. I have career goals and aspirations that will only happen if I make them. And then there are the super duper dreams that I wonder if I should even bother trying to achieve.
Just knowing that change does happen, and it's up to me to push it along, is a great motivator. As I figure out my next move, I'll ask myself where I'd like to be a year from now, and what real steps I have to take to make it happen. Then the hardest part: Doing it!!
