Happy Birthday Mike, Wherever you are....

Today is June 21st. To me, it's more than the first full day of summer. It's Mike's birthday. Who is Mike, you ask? The truth is, I barely know. Even worse, I don't know what happened to him since the last time we met, in late February, 1998.

Had I known it was the last time I'd ever see him, I'd have taken more than one photo. Or maybe it was the last shot on the roll. We're talking about ancient history here- no cell phone camera.  But the last time I saw him was epic. I hadn't seen him in weeks. He worked at Stop and Shop, was in college, and also had been working at another grocery store, Nature's Heartland, in Newtonville. 

I don't want to bog you down with too many details, but I'm writing this today in hopes that the Universe, or maybe someone out there will see this, and help me find this elusive guy I've never been able to forget. 

Sure, I tucked the memory of him away for a few years at a time. But one of the few things I did know was his birthday. In one of our few conversations at the store, I weedled this little bit of info out of him. 

Long story short, we lost touch. I'm sure I meant nothing to him, or he would have called me, or answered the birthday card I sent him the next year-if he even got it. By then he wasn't at Stop and Shop anymore. I didn't drive, so I couldn't pester him at his other workplace. I didn't have his phone number or address. 

Just the same, he was special to me. Over the years I've looked on Facebook, and Googled his name, but have never found any information. I've searched school yearbooks, and again, it's like he never even existed. I wonder if you've ever had the same experience.

I do have that one picture of him. But I can't help but wonder, what happened to him? I only knew he was taking business administration courses in college-what college? I have no idea, other than it was probably in Massachusetts.  Did he marry, have a wonderful family and a wonderful life? I sure hope so.  What line of work did he end up in? How come he's not on "Linked in"? 

If somehow you've seen this, Mike S, maybe you'll remember me. I'm the goofy customer who smiled at you every chance I got. I never had many chances to talk to you, so one day I gave you a card. Just one of those Hallmark cards that said things better than a real person can. Telling you how special you were. I threw in my observations of how hard you worked, and advised you not to work too hard!!  I was so nervous putting that envelope in your hand as I left the store. It was a couple weeks later before I saw you again, and I had a chance to chit chat with you. I remember asking what day was your birthday, and you told me it was June 21st. "The first day of summer", I said with a smile, and you smiled back at me.  That smile has been etched in my soul ever since.

I foolishly asked you how old you were, and if I ever time travel, I'll be sure not to ask. The difference in our ages was wider than I thought was appropriate at the time.   I put all thoughts of a romance out of mind, even though it must have been obvious I was crazy in love with you. I wore my heart on my sleeve, as they say.  Just being your friend would have been a consolation, but that didn't work out either.

The last time I saw you, I had the foresight to bring my pocket camera. I knew you'd never get around to answering all my questions, or bringing me a photo.  But you didn't object to my taking a picture. That was a small victory.  It was taken at the courtesy booth. How I wish there were selfies back then, so I could be in the photo with you.

What do I want to say to Mike, and why is it so important to me, after 26 years??? I'm not even sure myself. I barely knew this guy, yet he's had an undeniable impact on my life.  I drive myself crazy with all the unanswered questions I had then, and still wonder about. 

Mainly, I just want to know how he turned out. Is he happy and healthy? And selfishly, I wonder if he's ever once thought about me since those days.  Did he keep my card, or did it go in the trash, or get lost along the way if he did save it? Does he remember my name? Did I make some small impact on his life, with my words of praise and encouragement? I hope so.

 If he ever looks me up, I'm easy to find. 

But in the meantime, all I can say is Happy Birthday, Mike. Wherever you are. I wish you good health, happiness, and peace. 

Love,

Karin

PS- I spent so much time writing this post that it's now June 22nd!!

What A Difference A Year Makes: Thoughts on Another Year Past And Future

 My posts about the meaning of a new year have been about a mix of hope and despair; impatience, disappointment, and faith for a better future.

As I've mentioned before, the theme of New Year's (aside from partying) is self improvement, resolutions, and measuring the progress of your life. But for many of us, it's more of the same, and not much really changes except the seasons. If we have a comfortable routine, a good job, relationships, etc., why change it?  "If it's not broke, don't fix it".  At least that's always been my philosophy.  Maybe I didn't progress as much as I should have, because I never pushed myself too hard.

I'm happy to say that 2023 was a year of transition for me. All the "impossible" things I prayed for in 2022 and earlier actually came true.  It was as if all the planets aligned, and everything fell into place just for me.  Thanks to the plans of others, new doors opened and made the unlikely happen. So I'm back where I belong, closer to home.  

It may be a cliche, but life really is a journey. I believe everything really does happen for a reason, and the most difficult events along the way are lessons. And the people we meet while we're there are very important too. Maybe it just takes time to see it.

After I checked "coming home" off my list, there was still the elephant in the room, finding a job.   I applied for a good job, and found out immediately I didn't get it. Then I reached out to a former employer nearby. I thought I had secured a temporary job, and would be learning new skills. When that opportunity fell through, I became frustrated. But I kept looking, and interviewed for jobs in my field, and even ones I just thought I could do.

Finally, in mid August, I managed to land a job. By this time, my confidence was almost gone, and I really wasn't sure I could handle the physical demands of working 40 hours. The job wasn't as Director, but assistant. So I wouldn't be making decisions, or managing anyone. I'd just have to be able to show up every day, do my job, and come home.  After being out of the workforce for almost three years, even that seemed daunting. But I was grateful someone finally gave me a chance.

So now I could check "job" off my list, and what was left? Find a work/life balance, so I could continue to do all the things I enjoyed when I had time off.  Also on the list: take better care of myself, and lose all the weight I gained.

These are the works in progress I continue with today.  I struggle some days with fatigue, but I'm a little proud of myself for rising to the challenge.  Knowing that I CAN walk five miles during my work shift is a relief.  A year ago, that would have been out of the question.  I've gradually lost about 17 pounds, so now I need some new clothes.

In addition to all the improvements in my day to day life, there may have been a few subtle changes in me. I like to think that I've always been compassionate, but it goes a little deeper now.

2023 has been a hard, awful, terrible year for millions of people. It's hard for me to watch the news, and process all the suffering that other humans have to endure. Why were they so unlucky, while things went well for me?  I have gratitude, but a healthy dose of guilt as well.  Life isn't fair, and more often than not, it's tragic. I suppose that's another lesson I've learned, not to take anything for granted.

So where do I go from here? It seems like yesterday that I was young, but my mortality is another elephant in the room. I don't exactly fear it, but I know it will happen!  But until I do, there are still lots of things I hope to do. Places I want to see, people I want to meet.  I have career goals and aspirations that will only happen if I make them. And then there are the super duper dreams that I wonder if I should even bother trying to achieve.

Just knowing that change does happen, and it's up to me to push it along, is a great motivator. As I figure out my next move, I'll ask myself where I'd like to be a year from now, and what real steps I have to take to make it happen. Then the hardest part: Doing it!!

Wherever you are in your life, take care of yourself, and try to make your dreams a reality. If I can do it, anyone can!!

 

Thoughts To Ponder On An Early November Night

 It's hard to believe how much time has gone by since I last wrote. I think it was my annual New Year's post where I took stock of my life. After that I got busy with lots of big changes, ones I planned to write about. But living it was so tiring, the thought of writing about it too was out of the question. 

So here's the nutshell version: I found out (happily) that we were moving, we prepared to move, we moved. We put our "old" house on the market, and sold it. 

I interviewed for a couple of new jobs, but didn't get them. Finally I got hired in August, and have been too busy ever since to do much of anything besides work, housework, and sleep.

But even though I haven't written much, I still have the blog ideas in my head. But every time I get to this blank page, all my thoughts seem to evaporate.  Little by little I'll get back on track. I wrote down the title of each post so I'll remember. More details coming on all the great things that happened to me this year.

Some of what I want to say doesn't warrant an entire post, so I call them random thoughts-and I like to compile them into one (hopefully) entertaining article.

1. Recent fashion trends have me shaking my head. I needed new pants when I started working again. But it's not easy to find ones that have pockets! I need pockets to put my stuff in- Kleenex, money, my phone. Since when do they make pants with fake pockets that are sewn shut? Or too tiny to put anything in? 

I'm not sure what's considered normal or fashionable in men's suits, but what I see them wearing on TV doesn't appeal to me at all.  Is it me, or are they cut too small and snug? The trousers look more like skinny jeans, and just look weird. And the colors are too bright. 

2.  Thank goodness for the mute button on the TV, because there are too many annoying commercials.  I shouldn't waste my time over it, but there are so many offensive ads for personal hygiene products - I won't mention the product or the "board certified OB-GYN" who hams it up by sticking her face, foot, "under boobs, butt-crack" in the camera, talking about how great her product works. She must be making millions, because she's on almost constantly.

Then we have the constipation products, which tell us to "Flush our way to a better day", "Enjoy the go", or "Number two should be easy to do". But worst of all is the one with the woman sitting on the throne, telling us "women poop". Who knew?! Even so, do we need to see it on TV? I'm no prude, and not easily offended, but I still think there's a time and a place for everything.  

3. Can you believe the Boston Bruins have been around for 100 years??!! I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.  An entire century, they've been playing, yet when I realize 100 years ago was 1923, it doesn't seem very long at all. It makes me feel a little old when I realize I've been alive for more than half that time. 

The Bruins continue to play well, having only one regulation and one OT loss so far this season. Here's hoping they continue to win, but keep it going until they bring home another Stanley Cup! I'm a little surprised they are doing so well after Patrice Bergeron and Big Z's retirement. Go Bruins!! 

4.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the year goes by. It was August not long ago, and just like that, it's time to start thinking about Thanksgiving.  And speaking of being thankful, I really am. So many horrible things are happening in this world. Whether it's a war, mass shooting, or personal tragedies such as an untimely death, so many people are suffering.  

Seeing all this, coupled with being at a nursing home again and seeing old age and dementia up close again gives me a reality check every day. I'm reminded daily how lucky I am, even if it doesn't always feel that way. I'll do my best to make a difference, and appreciate all the gifts I've been given, and learn from my mistakes.

5. Better late than never, I finally got some pumpkins to decorate back stoop. They were leftover at work from Halloween, and were going to be tossed. Maybe I'll be ambitious and toast the seeds, and puree the pumpkin and make something with it. But don't hold your breath! Until next time, enjoy the fall season!

The New Year Brings New Possibilities

    Of course it's all a farce. This idea that when we start a new year, it's the perfect time to fix everything we don't like about ourselves. Our weight, a habit or vice, whatever. It defies logic, yet I'm among the millions of people who write a list, or maybe just think about the things I want to change.

   The concept is noble, but is anyone successful in their quest to improve this way? Like suddenly, years of bad habits will instantly be erased, from sheer will power, because the date and year on the calendar have turned?

    That doesn't mean we shouldn't still try. I can only speak for myself, but maybe the problem is that a year is just too long. By the time we reach November, we've all been through hell. I haven't met anyone EVER who said "Gee, I'm so disappointed the year is almost over. It's been a great one, I wish it would never end!"

    Even when things are going great, which is rare, the year can never end fast enough for me. Not that I love January, because, frankly I don't. The only reason I like February is because it's short. March holds the promise of spring but the delivery leaves a lot to be desired most of the time (talking about the weather here, mostly.)

   I've strayed from my original point. Maybe I should resolve not to be so long winded. It can be added to all the other resolutions I've made year after year. 

1. Get in shape

2. Drink more water

3. Exercise

4. Be more productive

5. Get organized

Do any of these sound familiar? I have such good intentions, but I can't seem to break the cycle of being myself. That means, the inability to reinvent myself.  The harder I try to eat less, give up the foods that cause inflammation, push myself to walk more than 3,000 steps, the more I tend to fail.  I'm done with setting myself up for failure.  That leads nowhere.

As I'm writing this, I still don't have a solution, or even any advice for someone who clicked on this by accident thinking I had some great secret to reveal.  I don't. It's still all trial and error for me, and all I can do is keep trying, and maintain a positive attitude.

I've heard that vision boards are a way for people to magically obtain the things that desire. How weird is that? If pasting pictures of positive images and words on a piece of cardboard, and looking at it every day will really help, maybe I should give it a try-it can't hurt, right? How much of this method is positive thinking? Is it a placebo effect, and it works because we think it will?  I have no idea. 

One of my dad's favorite sayings was "Thoughts are things". He was convinced that some people's thoughts, when allowed to spiral out of control, could become bigger than life. For example, someone obsessed with cancer will end up getting it. A self-fulfilling prophesy. 

The same with positive thoughts. Some people are able to do incredible things just because they believe they can. I'm sure it's not that simple. It usually takes lots of hard work and perseverance to accomplish a goal in addition to the belief in their dream. 

Maybe the key is to listen to all those cliches. Take one step at a time. One day at a time. Never give up. If you can dream it, you can do it. No pain, no gain. You snooze, you lose. And my favorite (hint: it's the name of this blog) LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!!

Not that anyone is asking for my advice, but here are the conclusions I've come to on January 3, 2023.

Live every day to the fullest. Some days will be better than others. Just do the best you can, and if your best is only 40% some days and you give it your all, then it was really 100%.

Who knows what the future holds? Figure out what you want, what it takes to get it, and keep on plugging. If necessary, reassess the goal if  the sacrifices to get it are too high. 

Learn to live in the moment. Try not to stress over things you can't change, or don't really matter in the big picture. Be good to yourself, and make time for things that are important to you.

We don't need a calendar to tell us when it's time to make changes. Every day is a new day, a clean slate, a new chance. Never give up on your dreams, and remember how much you are loved. Without you, the world would be an entirely different place. But you won't know until it's over, the incredible impact you've made. So just take my word for it.

Happy New Year- go get 'em!! May this be your best year ever.  Believe it.

 

Another Christmas In the Books

   So, Christmas 2022 is behind us already. In today's world, we seem to spend weeks or even months on a holiday before it happens. Then once it's over, it's time to move quickly onto the next one.

Me? I'm always falling behind. But here I am on New Year's Eve with my annual Christmas post. Better late than never.

   Christmas was a little different this year, but in a good way.   I had some good times baking cookies and making truffles for family and friends. I made some handmade gifts, and found meaningful gifts for everyone (at least I think I did).  I was happy the things I mailed out arrived on time.

     I received many nice gifts from family and friends. I even gifted myself a couple of old books I had as a child when I finally found them online.

   I planned on having rib roast, but instead made pot roast, with mashed potatoes and green beans. Simple but good.  For dessert we had pies my niece brought on Christmas Eve. Just a quiet day at home, but a good day nonetheless. 

     

      However you spent your Christmas, if you celebrate, I hope you had a delightful day, and season. 

                                                                  My Christmas dinner

Some of the truffles I made

 

                                              Italian cookies, a Christmas favorite around here.

                                                           

                                                   We used my small pine cone tree this year.

                       Until next year, Merry Christmas!

Cozying Up To Fall

    It's been months since I wrote in this blog. I had so much to write about, but I just couldn't sit down and do it. I'd only get as far as a title before writer's block or some other excuse or distraction came along.

    But today is October 1, 2022. Autumn started a few days ago, and with it has come the rain we coveted all summer, and cool temperatures that have made the house chilly and the outdoors uninviting.

    What am I complaining about? I was pining for both rain and cool weather for months, and my wish has come true. I should be doing a happy dance with a cup of pumpkin spice coffee in my hand. So this post will include all the things I embrace in autumn. Hopefully it will convince me that I do in fact love fall, and before I know it, the year will be over anyway.

     The first thing I love about fall is a no brainer: the change of colors to reds, oranges and yellows. Never mind the drab and dreary browns that come way too soon. I enjoy the crisp dry air with the smell of hickory, and the sound of acorns pinging as they hit the rooftops and people's cars.  While I feel sad watching the wind blow all the leaves off the trees, the exposed branches look amazing against a beautiful sunset that is now much easier to see. 

    I guess autumn is a time of adjustment for most people, not just me. It can be unsettling to realize how fast the year has gone by, and how quickly the long hours of daylight have evaporated. It's more like dread for me-beware of darkness. The nights are already too long, and it's a little depressing to know what's coming.             

    It goes without saying that Fall is about the end of summer, and watching things wither and die isn't my idea of a good time.  The drought was enough of a strain on my garden as it was. The plants have run their course much sooner than usual. But I do have lots of flower bulbs coming soon, and I can look forward to seeing them in the spring.  The cloudy grey skies and raw chilly weather dampen my spirits. But I'll try to pretend I'm happy inside in my cozy house with some cocoa, curl up with my cat and a good book, or make a batch of cookies now that it won't heat up the house too much to turn on the oven.

     Once it's cool, it's time to think about foods we haven't had in a long time. Comfort foods like pot roast, beef stew, roast chicken, chili.  And seasonal offerings like candy apples and apple cider donuts. I find the whole "pumpkin spice movement" a little annoying, but it's not without its tasty charm. I can see why people fall in love with that blend of flavors.  

   To me, autumn is about getting ready for winter: getting the yard cleaned up, thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Halloween seems to be an obsession for many people. It doesn't mean much to me, but I don't mind if other people love it. We don't get many trick or treaters here because there's no sidewalk on this street.

    What do you like about fall? Do you find it sad to see summer end, or are you happy to be rid of it? Whatever your feelings are, I hope you have a few reasons to enjoy it. Like everything, it moves fast enough and will be gone soon.

Random Thoughts While Waiting for Spring

It's hard to believe March is halfway over. We've finally reached that milestone, turning the corner from winter into spring. Once we lose the hour in the morning and gain it at night, it feels like winter is officially over. But of course, it isn't. We still have a ways to go, so what's been happening as I wait?

1. Getting a new phone: The new phones are Motorola, and are longer and bigger than my Samsung from 2017.  Not exactly life changing, but it takes getting used to nonetheless. I managed to choose ringtones and sounds that aren't too irritating. But I rarely use the cell phone for its original purpose, talking.  Recently I actually had two real conversations on the phone with old friends. I've gotten so used to texting, if only because I don't like to bother people by calling if they might be busy, eating driving, sleeping.  

Talking on the phone isn't brain surgery, but for some reason I've always hated making phone calls. It always felt strange talking to people I'm used to writing. Then there's people I can't call anymore, because they are no longer with us. I wish I had their voice messages. 

I never thought I'd turn into one of those people who became addicted to their "smart device". It bothers me how much I rely on my phone.  Mostly I use it to take an endless roll of pictures, and short videos. I have a tendency to overdo it. Somehow I never get tired of my cats, the clouds, sunsets, or the trees in my backyard. So I feel compelled to take yet another picture. My new phone's camera is high definition, and you can tell the difference in how sharp they are, but only on the phone itself, since my laptop isn't high def. The zoom is 8X instead of 4X, and there's slow motion and time lapse on the video, which I haven't tried out yet! This phone seems to be tied in with Google, so there isn't a "gallery" setting, all the pictures go straight to Google Photos. I think I'll get a micro-SD card so my photos will be backed up that way.

2. Learning some new things: I've been watching more webinars about how to make money online, since that would be an ideal situation for me. I'm not an idiot, so I don't bother with ones that are "too good to be true". Even the legitimate ones all have an extended sales pitch at the end, encouraging you to buy their course, to guarantee success. I'm sure that might work for some people, but I'd rather go it alone first. Here's hoping I become a "Fulfilled by Amazon" bookseller in the near future.  There would be some irony to this one, as back in my nursing home days, a resident accused me of stealing books and re-selling them! Maybe he was a prophet!

3.  Started an Author page on Facebook: I still have mixed feeling about this, because I'm a private person, and don't relish the idea of promoting myself to strangers.  It's also geared towards selling, so they want you to buy advertising, engage your audience, and there are lots of analytics telling me how unsuccessful I am so far. You have to start somewhere. 

   My plan is to start thinking like an author, and actually think beyond all these blogs I've started. It would be nice to actually make money on my writing, even if my primary goal is to inspire others with my words. The Bee Gees had a profound line in their song "Words".  It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.  I'm not trying to win anybody's heart, just make people think. And if I'm writing a letter to you, I'm sincere. Here's hoping my author page will spur me onto to finish up my sports essay compilation, poetry collection, short stories of life (kind of like Andy Rooney, except not as sarcastic) maybe a Bruins "Fan-atic" compilation condensing all those years of writing about the Bruins from 1983-2001.  

    Ultimately, I'd like to write e-books that are about things I know about. Nowadays it's possible to produce and publish your own work, and make a residual passive income from it. You just have to figure out where and how to publicize it, and I'm confident I'll be able to figure it out.

     Whatever you've been up to so far this month, enjoy!  Don't live to work, work to live! Take time for yourself, and go for your dreams, whatever they are, or no matter how unrealistic they may seem. If you can dream it, you can do it.