Somehow we managed to live through 2021, and now it's 2022. I know it was a tough year for everybody, no matter what your situation. I'm not even sure what I want to say in this post today.
I know January first is when people are supposed to start fresh, and set goals for the coming year. I've learned that it doesn't pay to do that, unless you like setting yourself up for failure. On the other hand, it can be a good way to see where you are in life, and where you want to go. Most of us just want to stay alive!
I can only speak for myself on how I feel about the world in general and my life in particular. I think it all depends on your frame of mind. I know I'm not satisfied with myself, and what the past year has been like, even if I give myself a break. I feel like I've lost my confidence, and I'm totally clueless as to why I haven't been able to get a job in my chosen profession. I wonder if there's something wrong with me that I'm just not seeing.
The death of my father in July has caused me to reevaluate what's really important, what I really want, and what I should try to do with the remainder of my time. It also brings lots of questions about my purpose in life, and how much longer will I even be around? What will happen to me when I get old, assuming I do? I have no husband, no kids, and while normally I'm OK with that, sometimes I feel a little left out. Up until this point, have I made the right decisions? Should I have tried harder to be a "success"? Or is it all in the hands of fate?
Of course, I don't have the answer to any of these questions. And no answers just leaves me feeling more helpless, sad, annoyed and defeated. I end up feeling sorry for myself when maybe I have no right to feel that way. All I've ever done is try to live my life day by day, and be a responsible and loving person in an unforgiving world.
Maybe I didn't plan enough for the future because I was so busy just trying to get through a normal day. Little did I realize that all those humdrum days spent making a living, making dinner and going to bed only to get up and do it all over again, was really life at it's best. I never even knew how happy I was.
If you had told me ten years ago, or even five years ago, that I would someday be an unemployed, overweight, middle-aged single white female living in a new town in a new house, without my dad or my dog, I may have had trouble believing it. But I sure would have sat up and taken notice. And maybe things would've turned out differently.
But I can't travel through time, like they do in the movies. So the best I can do is appreciate what I do have, and see if I can make my own future before it's too late. With God's help, of course. I trust in God that whatever my future brings, it's for a reason. I'll never give up.
Whatever is happening in your life, I hope you remain optimistic and believe that things are only going to get better. We don't have to wait for a new year, every day is a fresh beginning.
